Healthy Touch
Did you know that touch is the first sense to develop inside the womb and one of the last senses that we lose? Healthy touch is crucial to the development of our kids, and it begins at birth. The wide-ranging benefits of skin-to-skin contact between caregiver and newborn have been well documented in the medical field, but the importance of skin-to-skin contact doesn’t end as an infant grows and develops. Safe touch is foundational to the process of learning how to regulate our bodies and emotions and become a healthy competent social being.
According to research, here are some of the positive effects of health touch:
- Gives comfort, affection, and assurance to our kids
- Taps into the regions of our brains that produce the neurotransmitter, serotonin, which is the body’s natural anti-depressant
- Produces endorphins, which reduces pain and enhances a sense of well-being
- Lowers the stress hormone cortisol
- Stabilizes blood pressure
- Promotes creativity and the ability to learn
On the other hand, some of our kids might be coming from places where they’ve experienced either lack of touch or abusive touch. The implications from such traumatic experiences in either our kids or our own lives include damaging psychological and social effects. We can see the manifestations of these experiences in angry violent outbursts, fearful withdrawing, or dissociation (numbing out). These responses are rooted in a brain that has been wired to respond out of fear. This might manifest in a child becoming hypersensitive to touch or touch averse. It’s also important to note that abusive touch or neglectful touch is not the only reason a child could have such sensitivity or aversion to touch. Other indicators could include early hospitalization, a difficult delivery, or a medical procedure. In all of these cases, it’s important to note that touch should never be forced, but this is especially true if you have a child who has experienced a traumatic experience with touch. Touch is incredibly important to our overall health and development, but if trauma has happened, we want to safely introduce healthy touch into a child’s life as we seek to heal the previous wounding in their story. If you’re reading this and resonating with having a child who has come from a hard place, you might be wondering how you can help your child heal from the wounds of trauma. I would highly recommend reaching out to a professional to address some of these concerns and see if you and your child could benefit from therapeutic services. TBRI® is a wonderful intervention that aims to heal trauma and foster growth by building connections and trust in the relationship between the child and caregiver.
Maybe touch was not a big part of your own family’s upbringing and you didn’t receive very much healthy touch growing up. Or, maybe you have had experiences that have made touch feel uncomfortable or scary. If this is the case, I would recommend finding a trusted person that you can talk to about these experiences or reaching out to a professional who can help you experience healing. Maintaining a stance of compassion and curiosity is important as we look at our own story and seek to make sense of it, especially as it relates to our parenting.
“Touch is one of the most important vehicles for building trust in relationships between the child and caregiver,” says Dr. Karyn Purvis. The importance of healthy safe touch cannot be stressed enough in terms of developing deep connected relationships with our children. It is important though that we respect our children’s boundaries as well and not force touch, especially if they say they don’t want it at the moment. We can always extend an invitation for healthy touch, such as a hug, and be ready to say yes in those moments when our kids use their words to ask for it. A crucial part of giving healthy touch involves the way that we look at our kids and speak to them while we give it. We want to bring a sense of warmth and kindness in the way we look and speak by smiling and reflecting back to them their preciousness. If your child is less receptive to touch, safer ways to introduce touch might look like offering a high five or a fist bump. Maybe when your child comes up to you to ask you a question, healthy touch could look like putting your hand on their shoulder or arm while they talk to you.
Here are some further ideas of ways to incorporate healthy touch in your interactions with your child:
- High-fives
- Fist-bumps
- Hugs
- Pats on the back
- Link arms together
- Put your arm around their shoulder
- Handshakes
- Piggy-back rides
- Playing thumb war
- Offering to give a hand massage
- Playing with hair
- Playing the hand “slap” game
- Holding hands
- Back rubs
In the age of technology, it is becoming easier and easier to bypass true human connection as we substitute real relationships for social media, apps, and the internet to fulfill our need to stay connected. And although there are plenty of ways in which technology enriches our lives, it is no substitute for human connection. We are intrinsically wired to give and receive health touch, and by offering our kids this gift, we are setting them up for healthy social, emotional, and physiological development and growth.
Healthy Touch, TCU Institute of Child Development, Drs. Karyn Purvis and David Cross.